


Awareness is Hell

by mixthealphabet



Series: And It Grows [11]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst though not really, F/M, Fluff, Part of a series for a reason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 08:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/923920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mixthealphabet/pseuds/mixthealphabet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucy Heartfilia was in love. This realization came to her with the sureness of an idiot – or that's what she though, for only idiots, in their ignorance of other possibilities, were able to find such certainty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Awareness is Hell

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Carol Pimsu](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Carol+Pimsu).



_Heavy words are hard to take, under pressure precious things can break, and how we feel is hard to fake, so let's not give the game away. Just please don't say you love me, cause I might not say it back._

_Doesn't mean my heart stops skipping when you look at me like that._

Lucy Heartfilia was in love.

This realization came to her with the sureness of an idiot – or that's what she though, for only idiots, in their ignorance of other possibilities, were able to find such certainty.

The fact wasn't all that surprising. The mage had always been sincere about her emotions and intense in her involvement with others. She had fully given herself to Fairy Tail; to Erza and Gray and Levy and Mira and Cana and…

Him.

Lucy had given herself to him in a way she had never thought possible. There was nothing left of her to hide, because he had taken every piece of sadness and every little perk, as if it was only fair that she was so exposed to him, as if her thoughts were also his.

Natsu Dragneel didn't understand the nuances of social life. For some crazy reason, he had formed a world where anything was acceptable, as long as it was done with a good intention. In that reality of his, he took ownership of the things he loved, simply because, well, he loved them.

And, yes, Lucy had always been aware of his possessive strike. Things like the way he would throw an arm around her when a stranger was close or how he would call her  _his_ partner even when around Erza and Gray were weird in the beginning, but became adorable as time went on.

Maybe she should have seen the signs sooner, though. Accepting herself as his really should have set off some kind of alarm in her head.

"What are you doing, Luce?"

The girl shrieked, jumping in her seat with the surprise of Natsu's sudden appearance. He continued to look at her, leaning over her shoulder in a manner that brought their faces way too close.

"Natsu, can you move back a little?" She asked, grimacing and trying to put some distance between them.

Her heart hammered against her ribs and Lucy took a moment to chastise herself over never noticing it before.

There had been little things, of course, like a weight in her stomach or a bit of lightheadness, but the idea had seemed so impossible then that the celestial mage had merely attributed it to his physical attractiveness or her own exhaustion.

But Lucy Heartfilia was in love with Natsu Dragneel.

The thought made her feel even more embarrassed, and she tried to fight the blush that threatened to take her cheeks.

"You look weirder today." The boy in question took a seat beside her, examining her expression with curiosity. "Is something wrong?"

Lucy took a quick breath, shifting her stare to the counter in an attempt to escape from his scrutiny. From behind the bar, Mirajane was looking at the two, smiling like she knew exactly what the blonde had been revolving around her mind for the last hour.

The girl sighed, still unable to meet her partner's eyes.

"I'm fine. I just had a long day." She flicked her hair over her shoulder, but missed the way the boy's gaze accompanied the movement, or the way it lingered in her collarbone, before moving back to searching her face.

"Yeah, stripper over there bothered me the entire day." He growled out. "Somebody requested the two of us for a job and we had to take care of it."

Lucy smiled lightly, now playing with the edges of the book she'd been reading.

That morning, he hadn't been there when she woke up. Even though it was unusual for Natsu to leave early, it normally wouldn't have made her feel as uneasy as she had.

The girl had missed the comforting heat of his body, the way it felt against the contours of her own. In the last few days, she'd realized how much they moved in their sleep, bringing each other closer than it should be allowed, but had done absolutely nothing to stop herself from tangling their legs or touching his ribs.

It wasn't like Natsu behaved himself, either. More than once, she'd woken up to find his hands in more-than-inappropriate places. In those cases, the blonde had felt so embarrassed that she'd just jumped out of bed, too mortified to feel angry and trying to deny that part of her brain that processed how  _good_  it had felt.

Yet, that day, consciousness had taken her to an empty apartment and the bright glow of mid-morning.

"So that's where you were." She pointed out in a soft tone, bending her head so her hair would obstruct his view of her face. The last thing she wanted was for Natsu to feel responsible over her sudden gloominess.

"Are you mad?" He frowned, lowering himself to look at her. "I probably should have told you where I was going, but Happy insisted on letting you sleep."

His tone had been apologetic and it made Lucy seat up straight. She blinked a few times, staring at him with wide eyes as the boy scratched his hairline with an anxiety that didn't suit him.

This was another thing that irritated her, how easy it was for the dragon slayer to accept the changes in their behavior. Hadn't he ever stopped to consider how they must look to others; blushing and touching and  _living_   _together_? More than anything – his cluelessness, his lack of attention to her appearance, his lack of romantic interest –, it was Natsu's ability to not care about their relationship that truly made her feel like her feelings were completely one sided.

Shouldn't he feel something when they hugged? Or when he enveloped his arms around her waist before sleep, pressing her back against him?

_This is so messed up._

And then he started talking like they were some kind of married couple, as if he owned her some sort of explanation about what he did or where he would be, and it just wasn't supposed to feel like that. Like his ignorance of her was a physical blow to the chest.

But love was difficult, like her books had warned her.

"It's fine, Natsu." She rolled her eyes, disguising the conflicting emotions that his presence created. "At least you didn't destroy anything, this time." She eyed a cut over his brow, a small smile tugging on her lips. "Not even as many wounds as usual. I'm impressed."

The boy laughed, his mouth twisting into that childish grin of his.

_I'm in love with him._

There it was again, the certainty. It came like that first time, with the gentleness of a stomping elephant, taking her breath away.

Lucy chuckled in spite of her turmoil, because rationality always seemed to escape her on matters involving Natsu.

He just made her so happy.

The celestial mage paused, letting the hands that clutched the table fall limply and her grin slipped into a softer smile. She had never thought about it, but it was true. Natsu had given her such joy in life, shown her new things, traveled with her and protected her when needed. He had opened up her world in a manner that no one could have, that no one else would have dared to try.

Being his friend was one of the best choices she had made in her life, right up there with leaving home.

Even if things didn't work out, Lucy would never regret meeting him and Happy, because they were her friends above anything else.

How could she be sad with those two by her side?

"What did you do today?"

The girl had almost forgotten where she was and had to shake her head twice in order to put her thoughts back into place.

"Why?"

This time, Natsu pouted. His puffed cheeks made him look even more like a child and the whole effect only caused Lucy to giggle.

"You said you had a long day." He shifted to the left, and Lucy could tell he was annoyed and embarrassed by how lightly she took his concern.

It was funny how Natsu's behavior always struck her as odd, despite how normal it had become for him to be considerate around her. Even though the pink haired boy continued to be immature about many things, the last few years had changed some aspects of him; he wasn't as impulsive, nor as self-involved, and he had started to develop a strange sense of responsibility.

Lucy didn't know whether to be happy or distressed over the fact that this new responsibility only made him seem even more attractive to her.

"Yeah…" She drawled out, trying to conceal her blush. "Just the usual, I guess. I'm stuck on how to write a situation for my new novel."

Natsu nodded, taking a bite out of a steak she hadn't even noticed to be there.

"Let's do something to take your mind out of it, then." He replied, continuing before Lucy could scowl him for talking with his mouth full. "Isn't that what you always say? That it helps to take a step back?"

The girl looked down to where her hands rested, unsure if she wanted to spend the evening with Natsu when her mind was still such a mess.

"You can read me your story in bed!" The boy took Lucy's hand, pulling her up. His dark eyes shone in the artificial light of the guild, as intense as always and completely focused on her.

The blonde stared at him for a moment, her expression changing from confusion to warmth as Natsu talked about the last time they'd lazed around the apartment and about how the last thing he wanted to do was spend more of his day with Gray.

Lucy smiled.

There were many things that could go wrong in this relationship of theirs. He could find out about her feelings for him and not accept them, she could hurt herself by trying to run away from her emotions, their friendship could crash and burn in every way imaginable – and of course she would imagine them all; she was a writer.

But Natsu hadn't been the only one to change in the years they knew each other.

Lucy knew she would never be as intrepid as some of the guild's mages, for there were fears that not even magic could erase. Still, if there was anything Fairy Tail had taught her, it was that one should never give up without a fight. There were, after all, things worth the pain of a possible failure.

The celestial mage chuckled at her friend's antics, pulling on the hand that continued to hold hers and bringing him closer. As if they'd done it a million times before, Natsu slipped his hand up her arm and back down to the small of her back, making her body shake with his laughter.

She looked up at his face, smiling in a way that she felt she'd always done, without realizing what it actually meant. Her own ignorance amused and unnerved her, but Lucy could only clench the back of Natsu's vest in an attempt to calm the anxiety that threatened to take over as the dragon slayer's eyes met hers.

Awareness was hell.

The girl opened her mouth to say something, but the words got caught in her throat and she gave herself half a second to panic, for it was more likely that she would tell Natsu she was in love with him than it was for Lucy to be able to form some coherent thought in the mist of her rushing mind.

"If you promise to use your key, this time, I'll even cook something later." She exclaimed, instead.

Natsu grinned, hurrying his footsteps and pressing against her back, so Lucy would too.

The boy never heard the unspoken confession, and the girl never noticed that his touch was a little too low to be considered merely  _friendly_.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a birthday present for my dear friend, Carol Pimsu. Happy birthday, my lovely, you deserve all that is best, but I could only give you this little thing; I hope you will enjoy it nonetheless.
> 
> Anyway, early update! Yeah!  
> For everyone that reads this, a big thank you, because you all make me feel loved.  
> Commentaries are welcome!
> 
> The song is Please don't say you love me, by Gabrielle Aplin; I highly recommend her songs.


End file.
